u don't deserve my attention cos u didn't earn it. i am not for u to use and run to when u need my help. sputnik spunned @1:17 AM
Thursday, December 27, 2007
i wonder if i'll end up like hatsumi. all tat courage n determination to cut off all worldly desires and attachments just with one slit. but i'm a coward. a weakling. afraid to lose wat i've fought so hard for. attention. love. respect. envy. not tat i've really had any now.
i hate the way i turn out. so afraid to let go of this, of that.
often i want to let my steam out, but cos of various reasons n circumstances, i am still bottled up. up to the brim where i can break anytime. i wonder if i hv mental problems. maybe tat's y i'm always easily tired, all that synapses tat occur.
warmth n comfort i found. warmth n comfort gone.
miserable bliss.
everything is goin wrong. sch, life, me.
what do i live for? for whom i exist?
if i exist for me, i've not been doin a good job. fallin so deep into the pit of self-illusion.
the world will still revolve when i'm gone. i am insignificant. and all that sacrifices. i am losing me. with each north wind, a little of me gets blown away, into dust. scattered over nothingness.
what am i now?
emptiness. i wish u can rescue me. sputnik spunned @10:19 PM
i hate the way i turn out. so afraid to let go of this, of that.
often i want to let my steam out, but cos of various reasons n circumstances, i am still bottled up. up to the brim where i can break anytime. i wonder if i hv mental problems. maybe tat's y i'm always easily tired, all that synapses tat occur.
warmth n comfort i found. warmth n comfort gone.
miserable bliss.
everything is goin wrong. sch, life, me.
what do i live for? for whom i exist?
if i exist for me, i've not been doin a good job. fallin so deep into the pit of self-illusion.
the world will still revolve when i'm gone. i am insignificant. and all that sacrifices. i am losing me. with each north wind, a little of me gets blown away, into dust. scattered over nothingness.
what am i now?
emptiness. i wish u can rescue me. sputnik spunned @10:19 PM
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
i thought of the fried rice.
the one i wouldn't get to taste.
the one whose flavour wouldn't be the same.
it's christmas. it's just another day.
wat r u doin now?
the continuous struggle to do what's right drains every ounce of energy.
i wish i hv more time for my book. sputnik spunned @10:15 PM
the one i wouldn't get to taste.
the one whose flavour wouldn't be the same.
it's christmas. it's just another day.
wat r u doin now?
the continuous struggle to do what's right drains every ounce of energy.
i wish i hv more time for my book. sputnik spunned @10:15 PM
Monday, December 24, 2007
fate,
you came too late.
and if the clock will tick anti-clockwise,
i would hv choose another road
all that's left are sullen hopes and barren dreams
of the impossible sputnik spunned @1:08 AM
you came too late.
and if the clock will tick anti-clockwise,
i would hv choose another road
all that's left are sullen hopes and barren dreams
of the impossible sputnik spunned @1:08 AM
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
i am sad. but i can't tell u. not tat i dun want to, i just can't find the words to say. like Naoko, often i find myself opening my mouth, but closing it as i didn't know how to piece my words.
it's a lonely path out there, i wish i hv a fren like Watanabe to walk with me.
sadness and sorrow.
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts sputnik spunned @11:05 PM
it's a lonely path out there, i wish i hv a fren like Watanabe to walk with me.
sadness and sorrow.
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts
think happy thoughts sputnik spunned @11:05 PM
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay. sputnik spunned @1:54 AM
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay. sputnik spunned @1:54 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
" i do understand what u mean. definitely u r someone in my life. u had once held a special place in my life for a while, u now hold a special place in my heart as a close fren and in the future, u will still be a special friend in my life like now. you once were, are and still will be somebody in my life.
sometimes ppl do not appreciate the ones who really care or have had an impact in their lives till they lose them.as for me, i do appreciate the special bonds of friendship and these are impt to me
u shld smile more too. have more faith in urself, trust urself more and understand that if there is a day where u can fully love, there can be no place for hatred or no hate deep enuff that love cant conquer
its not easy but i believe u will have someone who will really make u understand that, appreciate you and make you feel like the most precious thing in this world
every gal deserves only the best for herself "
i found a gem sputnik spunned @11:53 PM
sometimes ppl do not appreciate the ones who really care or have had an impact in their lives till they lose them.as for me, i do appreciate the special bonds of friendship and these are impt to me
u shld smile more too. have more faith in urself, trust urself more and understand that if there is a day where u can fully love, there can be no place for hatred or no hate deep enuff that love cant conquer
its not easy but i believe u will have someone who will really make u understand that, appreciate you and make you feel like the most precious thing in this world
every gal deserves only the best for herself "
i found a gem sputnik spunned @11:53 PM
wat is it like to die?
wat is it like to commit suicide?
to step onto the road just before the car reaches me. will i fly far? as i soar, will memories flash pass me, like a camera, click click click, picture by picture. i hope i will hv the time to say my last prayer, to wish my last wish. and as i land on the soft grass, i am at peace. i am free. my eyes blinked for the last time, i see the sun set.
the adrenaline rush as i stand at the edge of the building. my heart is pumpin. thoughts racing. one slip, and i will fall. down. i wonder if i'll regret and fight against gravity. so i guess i'll pick the 6th floor. not much time to think.
but if i were to commit suicide, i would choose to get hit by a Rolls Royce or a Jaguar. at least, i wouldn't die so ugly. let the rich be stained w my blood. let them be reminded tat they are not the only ones in this world. when the rich rage war, it's the poor who die. we die so that u can live ur extravagant lifestyle. we die for ur sins.
i hope someone will write a song abt me, like the way Jackson wrote for Ben. simple, yet beautiful. sputnik spunned @8:33 PM
wat is it like to commit suicide?
to step onto the road just before the car reaches me. will i fly far? as i soar, will memories flash pass me, like a camera, click click click, picture by picture. i hope i will hv the time to say my last prayer, to wish my last wish. and as i land on the soft grass, i am at peace. i am free. my eyes blinked for the last time, i see the sun set.
the adrenaline rush as i stand at the edge of the building. my heart is pumpin. thoughts racing. one slip, and i will fall. down. i wonder if i'll regret and fight against gravity. so i guess i'll pick the 6th floor. not much time to think.
but if i were to commit suicide, i would choose to get hit by a Rolls Royce or a Jaguar. at least, i wouldn't die so ugly. let the rich be stained w my blood. let them be reminded tat they are not the only ones in this world. when the rich rage war, it's the poor who die. we die so that u can live ur extravagant lifestyle. we die for ur sins.
i hope someone will write a song abt me, like the way Jackson wrote for Ben. simple, yet beautiful. sputnik spunned @8:33 PM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
lookin at my bloodshot eyes,
why am i doin this to myself?
but it's the only way,
to drown everythin away.
how much did i drink?
i can't rmb.
only know tat my glass was nv empty
i hv no sense of direction anymore
there seem to be more then one way to go now
i am tired
when will all the misery end? sputnik spunned @3:21 AM
why am i doin this to myself?
but it's the only way,
to drown everythin away.
how much did i drink?
i can't rmb.
only know tat my glass was nv empty
i hv no sense of direction anymore
there seem to be more then one way to go now
i am tired
when will all the misery end? sputnik spunned @3:21 AM
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
i'm nv fit in anywhere and i am part of nobody's life.
i am easily forgettable.
pple depend on me to organise outings so that they can just turn up and hv fun. all the smses to ask if pple r free, only to hv to send more cos everybody say 'dunno' 'not sure'. all the plannin, and finally settled on a date, to be pangsehed by someone. everybody say wanna meet, wanna do this do tat, but they just can't be bothered to take initiative. am i being too nice? i'm fed up sputnik spunned @10:00 AM
i am easily forgettable.
pple depend on me to organise outings so that they can just turn up and hv fun. all the smses to ask if pple r free, only to hv to send more cos everybody say 'dunno' 'not sure'. all the plannin, and finally settled on a date, to be pangsehed by someone. everybody say wanna meet, wanna do this do tat, but they just can't be bothered to take initiative. am i being too nice? i'm fed up sputnik spunned @10:00 AM
Sunday, December 02, 2007
wat is suicidal hate?
www.dictionary.com defines suicidal as 1) pertaining to, involving, or suggesting suicide
2) tending or leading to suicide
3) foolishly or rashly dangerous
does it mean a) u hate someone so much u hv thoughts of suicide or actually commited suicide
0r b) ur built-up hatred is foolish and detrimental to urself, in both mind n body?
i would like to think it's the latter.
y would u be suicidal if u hate someone alot? u would probably be thinkin of ways to hv ur revenge or smth instead of thinkin of ways to die. perhaps, maybe u hate ur dad alot, but hv to be stuck w him in the same house. n it drives u nuts. tat's y u wanna kill urself.
seriously i can't think of much scenarios to fit into definition A. sputnik spunned @1:30 AM
www.dictionary.com defines suicidal as 1) pertaining to, involving, or suggesting suicide
2) tending or leading to suicide
3) foolishly or rashly dangerous
does it mean a) u hate someone so much u hv thoughts of suicide or actually commited suicide
0r b) ur built-up hatred is foolish and detrimental to urself, in both mind n body?
i would like to think it's the latter.
y would u be suicidal if u hate someone alot? u would probably be thinkin of ways to hv ur revenge or smth instead of thinkin of ways to die. perhaps, maybe u hate ur dad alot, but hv to be stuck w him in the same house. n it drives u nuts. tat's y u wanna kill urself.
seriously i can't think of much scenarios to fit into definition A. sputnik spunned @1:30 AM
Saturday, December 01, 2007
i don't like pple who treat their partners better then their friends.
yest in jb, i started feeling super cold n having constant spells of dizziness. only one fren stood beside me while the other 2 continued to shop. E, didn't even asked if i was ok, she just kept askin if i was really tat tired. i was not tired in the first place. E then scuttered ard shops, lookin for her white dress to wear for her anniversary, not even tellin us where u went. I just stood outside the shops, shivering.
If her bf was me, would she hv continued her shopping, leavin him outside? or would she hv fussed over him.
when we talk, yeah she's listening. but not attentively. cos we'll hv to repeat, or she'll ask again some time later. would she hv done the same to her bf?
one of my fren says tat some pple are just like tat. i know. but it's damn hurtful esp since i know E for 8 yrs. 8 long yrs, and wat am i to her? she calls or sms me, ONLY, during the exam period to ask qns. tat's all. not even msn. but she msn my other friends.
like the leaf, against the bright petals sputnik spunned @11:26 AM
yest in jb, i started feeling super cold n having constant spells of dizziness. only one fren stood beside me while the other 2 continued to shop. E, didn't even asked if i was ok, she just kept askin if i was really tat tired. i was not tired in the first place. E then scuttered ard shops, lookin for her white dress to wear for her anniversary, not even tellin us where u went. I just stood outside the shops, shivering.
If her bf was me, would she hv continued her shopping, leavin him outside? or would she hv fussed over him.
when we talk, yeah she's listening. but not attentively. cos we'll hv to repeat, or she'll ask again some time later. would she hv done the same to her bf?
one of my fren says tat some pple are just like tat. i know. but it's damn hurtful esp since i know E for 8 yrs. 8 long yrs, and wat am i to her? she calls or sms me, ONLY, during the exam period to ask qns. tat's all. not even msn. but she msn my other friends.
like the leaf, against the bright petals sputnik spunned @11:26 AM